The Help

July 11, 2016

Blue Monday

Last night Sankar showed up ten minutes before his evening shift ended. He entered with a smile on his face I assumed because he was nervous knowing he was in trouble. I was not going for it. In a stern voice I let him know I was displeased and told him to leave since I have just finished cleaning up the day’s dishes, his evening responsibility. I said we would talk about it in the morning when Rahul could translate. Sankar kept chattering away trying to explain why he was late but I wasn’t interested and asked him to leave.

This morning when Rahul arrived the three of us sat outside on the porch for our ‘come to Shiva meeting’. We have done this several times when I need to explain to Sankar that I will not tolerate him not telling me when he isn’t coming to work or that he will be late. I exclude Ron from these conversations since I manage Sankar. I asked him to explain why he was late last night. He went to a temple 10 km away he said. I said that wasn’t a viable reason. I asked why he didn’t call. He said he didn’t have my number because he got a new SIM card. I said that wasn’t acceptable. I was his employer and he should have my number.  I suggested that he start looking for another job. I told him he could work until we left for the US on the 23^rd and I would pay him for the full month which I had already told both of them last week. I said I would also take what he owed me from his salary which would leave him with 3,000 rupees. He said ‘no I am not leaving’. I said I wouldn’t pay him beyond the 23^rd. He asked me to give him another chance. I asked why this time would be any different. I have given him multiple chances and he repeats the same behavior. He again stated he wasn’t leaving. What an interesting response I thought.

I came inside and had a good cry. India is truly incredible just like the ad says but it is on both sides of incredible. It is incredibly wonderful and exotic and it is incredibly frustrating for non Indians or at least for these two foreigners.  We have had eight days without reliable internet or no internet from our provider. We cannot call home, the only way to send email is by tethering to my phone, etc. So I get built up with the multitude of frustrations and Sankar’s repeated leave without approval is getting to me. He has a VERY cushy job here and gets paid about twice what other housekeepers’ make for the number of hours he works.  At this point I feel taken advantage of and it doesn’t feel good. He has worn me out frankly.

About 45 minutes later Rahul came to me and asked how I would manage without Sankar.  I said I had no idea but I had enough stress living here without the added stress of a housekeeper who was unreliable. At that point Sankar came into the room and again asked to not be let go. He started pleading and promising to not make a mistake again. I again said ‘what’s different this time? I have given you many chances and nothing changes.’ At some point he burst into tears and cried. I told him I would not make a decision at this time. I want him to stew and to see how serious this is. I was determined this morning to stick to my decision to let him go. I do not know what I will do although I do know what I should do.  My life with Sankar feels like ‘As the World Turns’.

July 12, 2016

Yesterday was my sister’s birthday. I cannot call her to wish her a happy birthday because we have been without internet for ten frigging days. I can tether to my phone to get email but I can’t Skype or do many other things without having our regular internet service. Ron uses his work computer to post our blog. We are so darn frustrated with the provider but have no other options given our location. So last night our wonderful neighbor used his pull to get someone at the Spidigo office to say they would be out here today at noon with a new and better receiver. At 3:00 today two guys showed up, computer jockeys is what I call them, with no equipment. They fiddled with Ron’s laptop and after 20 minutes no results. Then the lead guy started talking to me in Hindi. I asked him to wait a few minutes as Rahul was on his way back to the house with Ron. He talked to Rahul on the phone and Rahul convinced him to wait as he was five minutes from the house. When they arrived the guy told Ron that the Spidigo tower was down. Ron said ‘no way. My neighbor has internet and has no trouble yet I haven’t had internet for 10 days!’  Ron even got Amit on the phone who told the guy he had internet but the guy would not back down. The longer we stay here the more we suspect this is a ‘face saving’ culture. That means to save face you just make stuff up like this guy did. There is no way Amit can have internet if the provider’s tower is down. The entire society of 75 homes would be without internet and Spidigo’s phone would be ringing off the hook. Geez I guess that expression has no meaning with cell phones…so they walked out the door and we still have no internet. Incredible India! We have taken to calling them Slowgo and NO GO.

Today I was in the car with Rahul on the way to the grocery store and I said that Sankar was really trying hard to please me this week after our conversation on Monday. If I dirty a dish he races to the sink, washes and dries it and puts the dish away. We usually rinse dishes and he washes them in the evening. Rahul surprised me by saying he thought I should give Sankar another chance, that he was a good worker and a poor man. He then said ‘Madam, you will not find another worker like Sankar’.  I know that, which is why this decision is so gut wrenching. I also truly like Sankar. Another friend wrote and asked me how much of his behavior was cultural. I don’t have an answer and my best resource to answer that left for ten days yesterday. It is also difficult because I started working when I was 13 for an uncle who was very strict.  There was a time clock where I punched in when I arrived and repeated this when I left. I was not to talk unless it was work related. If I wanted to take a break I was not to disturb anyone with chatter, etc. I developed an excellent work ethic thanks to JC and my mom and consequently employers loved me throughout my long working life. As a result I have a bias thinking everyone should have the same attitude towards work. Several times in my work life I had to supervise another person and I disliked it because I had expectations of behavior that matched mine and was often disappointed. I do remember Wendy who worked for me in the early 80’s. She was like a soul sister. I do not remember having to ever discipline her. She remains a dear friend to this day. I told Rahul I didn’t want to make an emotional decision and that yesterday Sankar and I were both very emotional.

The monsoons were due the third week in June. I wrote about our first rain and then nothing for weeks. Then we had two or three sprinkles but not rain. So Ron started calling the monsoons the ‘mon-laters’. Parts of Gujarat were getting the monsoons but not Ahmedabad. Well last night that changed and it rained hard and has rained all of today. The bad news is our laundry is hand washed which means they do not go through a handy spin cycle in a machine. The laundered items are hung up pretty wet. When it is hot out they easily dry by the end of the day. However today I brought in many items and hung them on hangers on the shower curtain rod as they were not drying too well outside. Sankar has rigged a cover over an area where he washes clothes. It doesn’t get rained on but the air is too damp. I grew up in SC and remember having clothes and towels etc, get mildewed or soured and smelly because of the humidity. I am hypersensitive consequently and worry about that happening here during the monsoons. I may have to resort to buying drying racks.